Lynne

Title:  Lynne
Author:  hopeandjoy9/Rebecca
Genre: Realistic Fiction/Tragedy
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death, suicidal thoughts
Length: 889 words
Story summary:
A woman stands alone, reflecting on her life, and love...
Notes: Revised. And stuff.

               Lynne shook where she stood, a cold sweat dripping down her back. She blinked once, twice and stood silent next to the strangers surrounding her. He had been a good guy, she knew that. Why did awful things always happen to good people? She felt like a fish in the air, gasping for the oxygen she just couldn’t find. And she just couldn’t figure out why.

                Lynne started as she swore that she could hear a voice to her right. “What are you trying to do by living your life as such a goodie-goodie? Don’t you see where that left him? Don’t be stuck by the white line; the gray line’s already taking off!”

                To Lynne’s left another urethral voice began to speak. “Do you really think that you are safe acting like you are a moron? Even in this place you could die.”

                Lynne pretended that she couldn’t hear a word that they said to her. The water she had drunk earlier seemed to grow stale inside of her churning stomach. It almost felt like she was stuck at a subway station and the train just wouldn’t come and take her away from it all.

                She just wanted to be loved again. Lynne knew that everyone, everyone she ever knew hated her now. She closed her eyes and desperately tried to put herself back in a happy place, but there wasn’t a train back that she could catch. She could still hear his voice in her head and he was laughing and crying and living and saying that he –

                Lynne stopped thinking there. She felt like one of the hundreds of wilting flowers around her, bending under the weight of he own guilt. She could almost hear them whisper to her, saying, “Where’s your joy, your love of life? There’s no feeling except sorrow in your heart tonight. How can that be you?”

                Lynne remembered the cicadas outside of her house. They were noisy little buggers, and they seemed to swarm the area. When she and he were kids, they would go out and chase them. The cicadas were absolutely disgusting up close, with their little eyes and creepy legs, but Lynne had always loved summer and the noisy, gross little things were a part of that.

Lynne wondered if the cicadas had come out recently, as she realized that she had not heard them this summer.

She snapped out of her trance, wondering where the sudden bout of nostalgia had come from. Lynne wondered what was wrong with her. Why was she so worked up over these small things?

He had screamed that he couldn’t see right before he had died. Lynne couldn’t do anything but try to organize her thoughts and confused feelings inside of her noisy head. She was hearing voices, she couldn’t see anything, why did her chest hurt so much when Lynne thought of him, why did she say that, why did he die, why why why why?

Lynne had been his only friend. He was an awkward man; he had been an awkward boy, and she was his only friend, the only person nice to him, and she had ignored him. Hey, darling, she thought. Where does the life of an unringing phone go?

She felt like she was on a train going around and around her feelings, and she couldn’t escape. All around her was the click-clack-boom of the train growing louder and louder and louder every minute. Everything was laughing and laughing and laughing at her, sick, condescending laughs that filled her head. Sneering, they said to her, “What were you doing playing games, catching bugs, telling jokes, reading comics, and the millions of other childish things you fill your days with? You can never return to those days! You’ve already become an adult!” Lynne wanted to scream at the top of her lungs for someone to please, please save me but she couldn’t and he was telling her to jut grow up already and he was yelling and he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing and there was a crash and screaming and and and andandand

Lynne felt the tears finally drip down her face. He had loved her, and she hadn’t known. She had loved him, but she never figured it out until just now. Please, please love me again… She just wanted to rip her life out of her and tear it and heaven and hell and samsara and whatever else waiting for her into infinitely small pieces so that she could never, ever ruin someone’s life ever again. Goodbye, darling, she thought.

Lynne just thought of the last moment and how she had screamed that she hated him. She wondered if she would be stuck with these thoughts and all of her horrid faults rolling ‘round and ‘round her head forever. She couldn’t stop crying.

And it was on that day that she became an adult.

As the others left the church, they saw Lynne standing over the casket overwhelmed with her tears dripping down her face. “What a pitiful girl, walking her path all alone,” they whispered to each other.

Please, please love me again

Take this never ending lifelynne, and cut it to pieces

Goodbye darlin’, darlynne, darlin’

That was the day I became an adult

-Lynne, Hachi feat. Hatsune Miku

Based off of the song Lynne by Hachi, who is one of my favorite Vocaloid Producers ever. Check out the original or the cover I did a while back with a synthesizer of mine.